2006
Well, midnight came and went (and a few days since) and here we are in 2006. Funny, feels like 2005.
I don't make new year resolutions. The point would be???
I will make goals for 2006.
This is the year I will finally become a registered architect. Although, I don't want to be an architect any more.
Other than that, who knows what will happen. We may have a baby, we may buy a house, we may do a lot of things, but at this point, those type of things don't really matter.
I will continue to struggle daily with my attitude toward society and the human race in general. I will try to enjoy the little things I come across.
I will try to appreciate what I have and not worry so much about what I want.
I will listen to lots of good music.
I will read tons of books.
I will soak up the sun when I have the opportunity.
I will hang out and have great conversation with friends and family.
I will drink a lot of wine.
I will generally enjoy life this year.
What else have I got to do?
posted by Heather @ 5:44 PM
4 Comments:
Well, I used to think you were a 'glass half full' girl...but lately you sound really down. I know you are into searching for something to fill the void and I hope you find it soon, because you sound like you are really sad. I am kind of worried about you. I know you might get pissed about this, but I have said some prayers for you. Sometimes we focus on things outside ourselves to complete us, when we need to look inside and gather strength from who we are, and how far we have come in our journey...and look to a higher Power. Whatever power you chose.
I think that when the time is right, you will have a great kid, and that emptiness you feel? It would be great to satisfy that first and not depend on your child
to fill it. That's a lot of pressure for a 7 pound bundle joy.
The best way to feel good about the world is to act on all those feelings that you write about.
Give something of yourself that is outside your comfort zone. This really works: talk to someone you would normally ignore. Give your time to someone who needs a friend more than you. It comes back.
I know, small steps. It's great to want to help people who suffered in Katrina, but to talk to a lonely person you see everyday to me is 'proof in the pudding' (where did that phrase come from??) Hey, it all comes back to you.
Peace, girlfriend. I am thinking of you.
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Thank you anon. I have thought about your words, and honestly, I am sad. I had a good, safe, comfortable life in Springfield. We had the house, we had the friends, we had the great jobs. With the move, that is all gone, and I am trying to get my bearings again. The move was a choice, and I believe in the long run it will be the right move. But at the moment, it is hard. I also have a husband who is broken and I can't fix him. I can't give him the things he thinks he needs in his life. That hurts. I am sad, but I have been much sadder. I know things will turn around, I have hope, but I am also searching. For what I don't know. I look inside of me and see that I do have a lot to offer. I look outside and am so overwhelmed with life. I try not to let that stop me from reaching out. I know I cannot help everyone, but hopefully I can put a smile on someone's face everyday. That is what I am trying to do.
I won't try give you trite answers to the malaise you find yourself in. I'll just say this: Most of us think our problems are found in our unwillingness or inability to DO certain things. I have found that my healing begins when I learn to RECEIVE and accept the infinite amount of love available to me. Once I come to terms with the fact that I am loved, that there is unmerited favor available to me - call it God, grace, whatever - I am able to become and do the things others need me to be and do.
Once I strip away all the bullshit notions of religion that make it hard to see grace, I can experience some real transformation. Then, I become useful to others.
I know we never got much beyond the surface relationship when you were here, but I hope you know that I care about what happens to you. You have a beautiful spirit and an uncommon urge to speak and act truthfully.
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